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Author | Topic: READ THIS: IT'S REALLY FUNNEE!!!! AND IF IT'S NOT, THEN SAY SO...
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 12:25 AM These are 50 things to do in an elevator 1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" 4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly. 5. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 6. On a long ride, crash from side to side as if you're on rough seas. 7. Shave. (Especially if you're a woman.) 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough air in there?" 9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" 13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you, "Admiral". 14. One word: Flatulence! 15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. 16. Do Tai Chi exercises. 17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!" 18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now. Damn motion sickness!" 19. Give religious literature to each passenger. 20. Meow occasionally. 21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. 22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!" 23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 24. Sing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," while continually pushing buttons. 25. Holler, "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 28. Burp, and then say "Mmmm...tasty!" 29. Leave a box between the doors. 30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 31. Wear a puppet on your hand and make it talk to the other passengers. 32. Start a sing-along. 33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?" 34. Play the harmonica. 35. Shadow box. 36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor. 37. Lean against the button panel. 38. Say, "I wonder what all these do," and push the red buttons. 39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. 40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space". 41. Bring a chair along. 42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" 43. Blow spit bubbles. 44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. 47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. 49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger." 50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!" 100 ways to order pizza 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. 3. Use ****ney-Rhyming Slang when you can. 4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. 7. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. 8. Answer their questions with questions. 9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful. 10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE. 11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's Master of Puppets CD. 13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out. 14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 15. Stutter on the letter "p." 16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) 17. Ask what the order taker is wearing. 18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver. 19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. 20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented. 21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up. 22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings. 23. Change your accent every three seconds. 24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. 25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?" 26. Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't." 27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "Okay, that'll be £10.99; please pull up to the first window." 28. Rent a pizza. 29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener. 30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. 31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. 32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred." 33. Say, "Are you sure this is Pizza Place? When they say yes, say, "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, Pizza Place, start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?" 34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs. 35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. 36. Imitate the order taker's voice. 37. Eliminate verbs from your speech. 38. When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now." 39. Play a sitar in the background. 40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her. 41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music. 42. Ask to see a menu. 43. Quote Carl Sandberg. 44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back. 45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza. 46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay. 47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed. 48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza. 49. Shout, "I'm through with (wo)men! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!" 50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?" 51. Psychoanalyze the order taker. 52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again. 53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting." 54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza. 55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it. 56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired. 57. Report a petty theft to the order taker. 58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town." 59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time. 60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." 61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs. 62. Try to talk while drinking something. 63. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!" 64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown. 65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair. 66. Be vague in your order. 67. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time." 68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order. 69. After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff. 70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." 71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get. 72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza. 73. Say, "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that. 74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage. 75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza. 76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it. 77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade. 78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer. 79. Put them on hold. 80. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders. 81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said, 'sauce smothered with meat'." 82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond. 83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?" 84. When you're given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math." 85. Haggle. 86. Order a one-inch pizza. 87. Order term life insurance. 88. When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?" 89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable. 90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza. 91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed. 92. Engage in some serious swapping. 93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If (s)he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word." 94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired. 95. If (s)he suggests a side order, ask why (s)he is punishing you. 96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots. 97. Order a steamed pizza. 98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your time of day wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up. 99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging. 100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it." IP: Logged
Lara Severi Member Posts: 937 From:Darlington, CO Durham, England Registered: Jan 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 03:12 AM hehe. ------------------ IP: Logged
Tomb_Raider_Nut Member Posts: 283 From:Millwaukee,Wi,USA Registered: Jun 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 06:34 AM Those are great! i was laughing so hard, and it's only morning! thanx for sharing those with us. [This message has been edited by Tomb_Raider_Nut (edited 08-02-2001).] IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 07:28 AM You're completely welcome....trust me...i laughed so hard, i actually teared. IP: Logged
TrueRaider Member Posts: 461 From:Rothwell, South LEEDS UK! Registered: Jan 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 08:03 AM ha ha! cool stuff!! IP: Logged
wiredGIRL Member Posts: 252 From: Registered: May 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 09:42 AM omg that's hilarious!!!!! IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 04:10 PM i like the elevator things the best....especially the one where you try to open the door, then look embarressed when it opens by itself... IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 04:13 PM i like the elevator things the best....especially the one where you try to open the door, then look embarressed when it opens by itself... IP: Logged
wiredGIRL Member Posts: 252 From: Registered: May 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 04:53 PM Oh, also on an elevator you could walk out whenever the door opens then get back in and act embarrassed... IP: Logged
Tomb_Raider_Nut Member Posts: 283 From:Millwaukee,Wi,USA Registered: Jun 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 05:01 PM i like this one the best 45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-02-2001 05:12 PM yeah, i like that one too...hey wiredgurl...that's funnee too...never thought about that one. IP: Logged
3Dpc_chic Junior Member Posts: 3 From: Registered: Aug 2001 | posted 08-03-2001 07:13 PM Sum of it is funny, but what's the point of all this? It's flat out STUPID! IP: Logged
tommy tomb raider Member Posts: 330 From:Kalamazoo, Mi. U.S.A Registered: Apr 2001 | posted 08-03-2001 07:39 PM Here is what I've got to say about this joculaarity................... See my stuff at... LARA'S WARDROBE ------------------ IF YOU NEVER GROW UP, YOU'LL NEVER GROW OLD [This message has been edited by tommy tomb raider (edited 08-03-2001).] IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-06-2001 01:05 AM jocuularity? Your stuff? IP: Logged
bla Member Posts: 37 From: Registered: Jul 2001 | posted 08-08-2001 04:38 PM ` IP: Logged
3Dpc_chic Junior Member Posts: 3 From: Registered: Aug 2001 | posted 08-08-2001 08:28 PM That is soooooooooooooooooooo stupid. I've heard it already a million times...who, in here, agrees with me??? IP: Logged

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